My best friend Gwyn and I hired a babysitter and stole away late tonight. We went to see a great film about four girls in New York looking for love. For me, who spent a good deal of my 20’s watching and wishing I could strut around NYC in Manolo’s and Dior (going to flamboyant careers and fabulous events) like they, it was a closing note on that decade of my life.
It was fun to dress up in my most “designerly” dress and heels, and feel as fabulous as one can amid popcorn strewn floors and sticky arm rests. We shared laughter and tears… ooohed and awwed over which dresses and shoes we would “so” wear.
For the night, I lived glam vicariously…
and I got to thinking. I spent a lot of time wishing that I could experience the trappings of those character’s lives, when those characters were focused on finding what I have in REAL life… deep, meaningful love… unconditional acceptance… abiding joy… happiness and laughter ever day… a great, wonderful man… children who love you just as you are…time tested friendships…. relationship with an amazing, forgiving God.
As I was driving home… and moonlight illuminated the car interior… it’s blue light cast over the peaceful faces of my children sleeping in the backseat. Through the rearview mirror I saw my jewels, more valuable than anything. I realized my dreams were still there, they had just expanded, mellowed and rearranged themselves in even more beautiful and organic ways. Gone the desperation and need to put myself out there… gone the need to prove my worth to gain love… gone the frantic searching and unfulfillment…
I still have ambitions, dreams and desires…but the stuff that really matters…the stuff that really seeps in and glues up the cracks….
I have in spades.
I have love…I have acceptance… I have friendship… laughter, hugs and kisses…I have happiness and joy everyday in my life…
From the little corner of the world I live in… I realize that I am blessed. I am not searching anymore… I have come home… I am home.
(now, if someone offered me Manolo’s I wouldn’t turn them down:)
See you on the flip side…Amie